Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
