just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
