I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
