"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
