I faked an abortion last night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Alive.
So much puke
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
