I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I love you. Go after that dick
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