do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
