I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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