roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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