Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
