Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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