if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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