i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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