last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
