Already got asked if we're dating
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
