Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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