Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
