This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sext me about skeletons
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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