so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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