Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There r osticjed everywhere
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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