Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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