Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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