I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
