Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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