I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
