Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
this will be a night to untag.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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