I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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