Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
