i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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