my sisters under your porch take her home
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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