I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
