Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
