If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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