Just fell off a train. Bad.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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