She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
