two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
