you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
handjob tips. give me some.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So squirting runs in the family.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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