theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You left your phone here
Wait...
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