I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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