I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
