the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize