Umm I'm too high to move.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Your penis caused this!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
