Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
