if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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