We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
