i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
