Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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