In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
