I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
