It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
