I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
