I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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