Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
BRING THE BAGELS
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
