Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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