He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
