Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
