bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
