i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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