Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
