I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
