drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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