And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
