Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
