I wish I could teleport
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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