I just saw a hot homeless man
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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