just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
