I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm way too hungover for life right now
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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