i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize