Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
