ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
