your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
