you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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