My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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