Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
