i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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