Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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