Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
