Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize