I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
