in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
