I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
