This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
