So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
