He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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