i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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