We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
my poor anus
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
