My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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