Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
