Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
