We got so high we made milksteak
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
