My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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