So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
