Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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