its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
