speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
