No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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