I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
