I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
