I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize