Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
