Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
