no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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