i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
