That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
